Now, I have to admit, I like to believe that I'm one of Jesus' favorite girls, but when it comes to fasting, I feel more like an ostrich that wants to bury her head in the sand.
Its not that I don't believe in the power of prayer and fasting. I just can't handle the thought of denying myself the comforting pleasure of food and instead, giving those urges to God.
That is, until a dear friend of mine faced a treacherous battle for her life here on earth.
She had been ill for a while, and I had not seen her in person for quite some time. We had planned to get together for coffee in the new year but after making those plans, her health quickly took a turn for the worse. I will never forget the pain I felt when I finally saw her. My heart broke into a million pieces and as I left her side, I vowed to pray for her several times a day. But I needed something to remind me to pray. Something that I wouldn't brush off. Something more than an alarm on my iPhone or a note on my to do list. I needed something strong, something that would bring me to my knees and cause me to cry out to the Lord on her behalf. I knew that this type of prayer required fasting and this time, I would not give up.
My first real experience with fasting only lasted seven days. God called my friend home within a week.
I believe that God answered my prayer (and the prayers of many others) for healing. My friend is more alive now than she has ever been. She is completely healed and she is joyfully in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
After that week of fasting and prayer, I didn't want to stop. The prompting that my food deprived body gave me to pray seemed to give me a certain closeness to the Lord, a closeness that I wanted to remain.
Over the years, I have developed a bad habit of allowing certain comfort foods to take the place of God in my life. I'm sure that everyone occasionally comforts themselves with their favorite snack or sweet treat. But for me, the occasional treat has become a full blown dependence. I look to certain foods for comfort and strength, instead of looking to God. I am not ok with that. The dependence I have on these foods has long been something I know the Lord wanted me to overcome by His strength.
After fasting for a week, I knew that it was time to take this issue to God and ask Him to help me break free. I would deny myself these foods, and pray to God instead.
But my question was, what did He want me to pray for? I am a task oriented person, so I am constantly looking for a mission, a goal, a project to keep me going.
"So what's next Lord? Pray for my marriage, that we will make it to 50+ years? My children, that they will be successful in life? My family and friends, that you will keep them free from disease and provide them with what they need for the years to come?"
Over the course of the next week, each day, I asked God to show me what He desired me to pray for. Day after day I prayed, but I still didn't feel as if I had any direction.
And then.... it came. It was so simple. Not nearly as complicated and grandiose as I had thought. I was in the middle of an ordinary work day, but I was struggling with an issue emotionally, I was filled with worry and I was physically and mentally drained. Like always, I turned to my favorite comfort food to take my mind off my troubles, but this time, I did something different. I put it aside and I said "Lord, give me the strength that I need for TODAY".
And that's when it hit me. He wants me to pray (and in this case, fast from a certain food) for what I need THIS day.
Lord, please give my husband the skills that he needs to work hard today.
Lord, please fill my children with Your Holy Spirit and train them to be obedient today.
Lord, please give me the strength I need to endure the challenges of wife-ing, working and mothering today.
In Matthew 6:34, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow,
"for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today".
All that time, I had been focused on worries and concerns that would take years to come to fruition, while ignoring the needs of today. When it came to the needs of the current day, I plowed through, trying to meet those needs myself, instead of relying on God.
"Give us this day, our daily bread"
When Jesus taught us to pray, he reminded us to ask God for what we need from day to day. Friends, there is such freedom in that simple realization! It removes a burden, or at least makes the burden so much lighter. Instead of carrying the burdens of tomorrow, God invites us to not worry about tomorrow and bring Him the burdens of today.
So Jesus, thank you. Thank you for answering my prayer. Thank you for meeting me where I am today. Thank you for gently guiding me to see that instead of worrying and fretting about things that I can't control and things that I don't even know will happen (or not), it is your will that I focus on the needs of today.
I hope to continue my journey in overcoming my reliance on comfort foods to provide me with the emotional/mental strength and comfort that only God can give. But TODAY, I am simply rejoicing that through denying myself, God faithfully gave me what I needed to get through today.
Friends, are you also a worrier of tomorrow? Please release that burden and join me in simply praying for today.
